I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Boobs speak an international language.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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