happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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