I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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