i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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