yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
