I am in a vortex of obligation.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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