i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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