shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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