Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
