i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
