My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
