been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
