i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
