He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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