we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
