He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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