I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
