i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
