she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
