So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
