dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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