what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
