i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
