I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
