I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
