Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize