What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize