I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
