Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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