I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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