3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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