Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
