i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
