she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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