That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
