Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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