just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
