I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
