WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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