oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Send help, water and tortillas.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
