My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
foreskin is a definite game changer
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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