so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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