My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
