he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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