Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
