got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
