Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Terrible idea I love it
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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