I seem to have left my pride at pride
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
