Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my being single is dangerous.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
