But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
