just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize