She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
