Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize