you lied. pity sex is amazing.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
