God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize