Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
