You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
