Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
