he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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