Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
