Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
