for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
