I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
