Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
