is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Randomize
