It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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