even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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