Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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