why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My vagina is officially offended.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
