is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
