i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
