she was so not down for the gang bang
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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