he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
