Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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