Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
