the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
